The Success Principles Workbook Page 2

  Affirmation Based on a Quote by

  HAL ELROD

  In ancient days, architects and builders had few measuring tools. As a result, the most important step when building a structure was the placement of the very first block of stone. All the remaining stones were placed based on this first stone: the cornerstone.

  The cornerstone of all the success principles is this one: Take 100% responsibility for your life. Everything else rests upon fully understanding and applying this principle. If you are really finally ready to begin to do what it takes to go achieve your next level of success, happiness, and the fulfillment you desire, then I want you to fully commit yourself to the study and application of this principle.*

  If there were an easier way to have the life of your dreams, believe me, I would tell you. Really. I learned this first principle myself more than 30 years ago, and it has made all the difference in the success that I and the hundreds of thousands of my students have achieved.

  TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

  To take 100% responsibility for your life and your results means that you accept the fact that you are the one in charge of all the results you produce. When you fully realize that you—not your circumstances and not other people—are responsible for your success or lack of success, your life will dramatically shift. When you realize that it is your actions or lack of action, your thoughts and beliefs, and the pictures that you create in your mind, then you will have taken the most important step you can take toward a life of freedom, abundance, and fulfillment. When you realize you always have a choice in every moment about what you think and how you act, you will have reclaimed your power—the power to create the life you truly want.

  There is an important formula that captures the simple essence of this truth.

  E + R = O

  EVENT + RESPONSE = OUTCOME

  The essence of this formula is that everything you are currently experiencing (your current Outcomes) are the result of how you Responded to earlier Events in your life. And if you don’t like your current outcomes (your health, your weight, your income, your total savings, the quality of your possessions, the quality of your relationships, your level of happiness, your golf score, your job, your sales numbers, where you live . . . everything you currently have and are experiencing), then you have to change the way you are responding to the events that show up in your life!

  Let me give you an example.

  Let’s say you are given a $4,000 bonus at the end of the year. That’s an event. One response, after taxes are taken out, is to invest the remaining $3,200. The outcome of that is that one year later you have an additional net worth of $3,394. If your response is to spend your bonus, you have no additional net worth. Same event . . . two different outcomes.

  Here’s another example. Someone offers you a large piece of chocolate cake at the office party. One response is to eat it. The outcome from that would be to put on more weight. The other response would be to politely refuse it, saying you are cutting back on your sugar intake, and the outcome from that is you maintain your body weight.

  Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it.

  LOU HOLTZ

  Legendary College Football Coach and ESPN Analyst

  There are only three responses (R’s) that you have any control over—your thoughts, the visual images that you create in your mind, and your behavior, which includes what you say (or don’t say) and your actions (what you do or what you don’t do). That is all you have control over.

  You might be asking, “What about feelings? Aren’t they a response?” Actually 99% of feelings are an outcome of how you think about something. If you reject me, in order for me to feel sad or angry, I have to first think a thought like, No matter what I do, nobody ever accepts and includes me; I am going to be alone forever.

  One of the greatest differences between successful people and those who would merely like to be is how they respond to the events and opportunities in their lives. Here is another example of the same event, with different responses producing different outcomes.

  Event + Your Response = Outcome

  Your spouse forgets your birthday. You tell yourself, “S/he forgot my birthday. That means s/he doesn’t love me.” You feel sad and depressed, and your self-esteem takes a hit.

  Event + Your Response = Outcome

  Your spouse forgets your birthday. You tell yourself, “Somebody who loves me forgot my birthday. I wonder what’s going on with them?” You end up feeling concerned, but you still have high self-esteem.

  WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF TAKING RESPONSIBILITY?

  If taking responsibility for one’s life were easy, everyone would do it. So, what’s up? It turns out that it’s easier to complain about the way things are, to blame others and to make excuses, than to change one’s behavior. Changing is uncomfortable. It takes disciplined effort and intentionally stepping outside of one’s comfort zone. And most people would rather be comfortable than uncomfortable. Let’s take a deeper look at blaming, complaining, and excuse making.

  BLAMING: YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT UP

  When most people don’t achieve the level of success they want in their life, they tend to blame people and things outside themselves. They blame their boss, their coworkers, their parents, their spouse, their children, economic conditions, high prices, Wall Street, the government, the other political party, the media, the traffic, and the weather.

  The bad news: To have the success you want, you have to give up blaming. The good news: As soon as you do, you will experience greater power and energy in your life, and you will attract other positive and powerful people to be around you.

  Blaming Mind-set: It is not my fault. It’s because of what they did. They are responsible.

  Success Mind-set: When I look beyond blaming, I can see how I actually created or allowed this, and I can begin to search for and find ways to get the result I want.

  Once you realize that you created it the way it is, you then have the power to uncreate and re-create it the way you want it.

  All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.

  WAYNE DYER

  Author of Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life

  Take another look at blaming with this example.

  Blaming

  Event: Your coworkers continually miss deadlines, causing you to work late to bring projects in on time.

  Your Response: You blame your coworkers and management, but say nothing.

  Outcome: You end up working late many nights, straining your marriage and family relationships, and jeopardizing your health.

  No Blaming

  Event: Your coworkers continually miss deadlines, causing you to work late to bring projects in on time.

  Your Response: You find ways to streamline the process, and then quietly present your plan to the team leader.

  Outcome: The manager creates an expanded role for you, giving you more oversight on projects, which leads to increased responsibility, and eventually an increase in salary . . . and you are home earlier to spend time with your family and get more sleep.

  The truth is, when confronted with a negative event, successful people look beyond blaming and finger-pointing. Instead, they look for new ways to resolve it. They say something or do something rather than blame someone.

  HOW TO GIVE UP BLAMING

  Are you willing to give up all blaming? That is the first question you need to ask yourself. If your answer is no, put away this workbook until you are ready to make some changes to get the success you want. If your answer is yes, great. Here is how to do it. The first step is to recognize and acknowledge the blaming that you have been doing up until now.

  DISCOVERING MORE ABOUT YOU:

  Blaming

  Check any of the following blaming thoughts that you have used to justify your current life situation. I don’t have the success I want because:

 
□I had a difficult childhood. It’s my family’s fault.

  □The college I went to was not very good. It’s their fault.

  □My spouse doesn’t support my dreams. It’s his/her fault.

  □The company I work for doesn’t respect me or my ideas. The management is to blame for how I feel.

  □My friends aren’t very ambitious, so neither am I. It’s their fault.

  □The reason I am broke is because the economy is terrible/my company doesn’t pay a fair wage/my spouse spends every penny I make/my kids are spoiled/immigrants have taken all the jobs/all the good jobs have moved offshore.

  □I’m overweight because of the food my wife cooks.

  Add your own:

  Up until now, I have blamed for .

  Up until now, I have blamed for .

  Up until now, I have blamed for .

  The statements you have written above may in fact be true, but they do not need to continue to stop you from going after the success you want. You can change those blaming thoughts to thoughts of responsibility.

  For each of the statements you wrote above, write a new “no-blame” thought to replace it. Here are a couple of examples:

  Blaming: The reason I’m not more successful is because my spouse doesn’t support my dreams.

  No-Blaming Thought: Even though my spouse may not support my dreams, I can still take the necessary actions to create a better life.

  Blaming: The reason I’m not making more money is because I don’t have any real options.

  No-Blaming Thought: Even though I don’t see any obvious options, the real reason I’m not making more money is because I haven’t thought creatively and pursued new opportunities.

  No-Blaming Exercise

  For each of the blaming thoughts you listed above, write a new no-blame thought of how you can be successful regardless.

  Instead of blaming for , I could do this:

  Instead of blaming for , I could do this:

  Instead of blaming for , I could do this:

  Stretch opportunity! If you want to take it further after filling in your answers, go back and change the words “I could do this” above to “I will do this.” Go ahead; try it out.

  COMPLAINING: YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT UP

  Do any of the following statements sound familiar?

  My supervisor ignored the special report she requested—again!

  My spouse constantly hounds me about the way I eat.

  The yoga instructor always starts late.

  Here is what’s interesting about complaining: In order to complain, you have to know there is something better available that you would prefer . . . but that you are not willing to take the necessary action to create. You would rather complain because it protects you from having to take the risk to create it the way you want. When you complain, what you’re really saying is, “I have something I prefer, but I’m not willing to risk creating it . . . so I’ll complain to you instead.”

  If you complain about your spouse hounding you about the way you eat, you have to have in mind what you would prefer: either for your current spouse to leave you alone, or for a different spouse who doesn’t hound you—like the spouse you have seen at a friend’s house or on a TV show.

  Have you noticed that people don’t complain about gravity? It’s because they know they can’t change it. People do complain about their jobs because they know there is a better job out there somewhere, but choose not to change jobs. People do complain about the weather, because they know there is someplace with better weather and that they could move there. But they choose not to, so they complain instead.

  Complaining can dissipate some of the energy of an upset, but it doesn’t change the outcome you are experiencing. It also keeps you feeling powerless. With each complaint you express, you give away more of your power. If you want to be successful, you have to stop complaining—now! You will need all of your mental, emotional, and physical strength to take the actions you need to take to go after the success you want.

  I know it’s common to complain. It is often socially acceptable, even expected and affirmed, in many groups. If complaining is the norm for the people you spend time with, if you find yourself in an “Ain’t It Awful!” club, you need to quit that club. If they won’t stop complaining, you have to stop spending time with them. You need to surround yourself with responsible, solution-oriented people.

  DISCOVERING MORE ABOUT YOU:

  Complaining

  Write down your four biggest complaints. Consider work, family members, finances, body weight, traffic, or other.

  Sample Answers: It is so hard to lose these extra 10 pounds! My spouse keeps me up all night long with his/her snoring. The people on the town council are all corrupt.

  (a)

  * * *

  (b)

  * * *

  (c)

  * * *

  (d)

  * * *

  For each item you wrote above, write down what you prefer to have. For the most benefit, start each line with, I prefer to have . . . and end each line with, . . . but instead I complain about how . . . (Rewriting may seem tedious, but it allows for deeper learning.) Sample Answer: I prefer to weigh 10 pounds less! But instead I complain about how hard it is to lose weight.

  (a)

  * * *

  (b)

  * * *

  (c)

  * * *

  (d)

  * * *

  Change your complaints to actions. For each complaint in #1 above, complete this phrase: Instead of complaining, I could do to get what I want.

  Sample Answer: Instead of complaining, I could begin to exercise at least 30 minutes a day.

  (a)

  * * *

  (b)

  * * *

  (c)

  * * *

  (d)

  * * *

  From now on, whenever you start to complain, you will more likely notice it and catch yourself. You may also be less likely to tolerate complaining from others as you realize there are actions they could take to resolve the situation if they chose to.

  MAKING EXCUSES: YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT UP

  Dear Reader: I was going to make this a better workbook for you, but I got tired. I ran out of ideas, and I didn’t have enough time. Would you accept that? I hope not. Instead of offering excuses, I am offering you the best possible Workbook, based on research and best practices, for implementing the success principles. I am totally 100% responsible for that. You are not interested in my excuses—only my results, so you’ll get no excuses from me.

  HOW EXCUSES STEAL YOUR FUTURE

  When you don’t achieve the result you want, or you don’t have the life you want, it is natural and easy to make excuses. You hear people making excuses every day. Making excuses is a response to an event. It is a way of justifying your current results, but it is simply an ineffective response that does not produce a better result. Making excuses disempowers you and prevents you from thinking creatively about what you can do differently.

  To create the life and success you desire, you will need to give up all your excuses. Let me say that again because it is so important: To create the life and success you long for, you will need to give up all your excuses. This includes all the reasons you give for why things are the way they are. When you take your focus away from your excuses, you will be able to see clearly why things are the way they are, and focus on what you can do to create what you want.

  In the next exercise, you will have the chance to see in writing some of the excuses you’re making that you may not recognize.

  HOW TO RESOLVE A LONG-STANDING PROBLEM

  In my workshops, I often pair people together and ask them to “coach” each other through the following exercise called the “Difficult or Troubling Situation Exercise,” which helps resolve long-standing problems without blaming, complaining, or making excuses.

  Difficult or Troubling Situation Exercise

  Take a look at the sample respo
nses below before completing the exercise for yourself.

  What is a difficult or troubling situation in your life? I’ve been wanting to start my own training business for two years, but I keep putting it off.

  How are you creating it or allowing it to happen? I keep putting off deciding exactly what I want to teach, and even deciding what to call the business.

  What are you pretending not to know? It has been eating me up inside, and I want to get going.

  What is the payoff for keeping it like it is? At least I won’t make a mistake and look foolish to my friends and family.